This is how we have tried to create a playful environment with limited screen time.
So, you’ve read the studies (or at least the news report summaries) that say screen time majorly effects your child’s brain development as well as social skills, weight, and emotional regulation. These are major things and as an involved, attentive parent you want to keep limits on these things but let’s be honest. It’s just easier to turn on a show or hand them a screen sometimes, right? I totally get it and please, PLEASE do not mistake this post for advice to be screen free. Practically no one is these days and honestly, I feel that in some ways that would put our children at a disadvantage as the future of work and school is going to be requiring knowledge of computers and tablets in some way!
We have two children and my husband and I try to be creative with how screen time is used in the context of our day. In general though, we endeavor to have an environment in our home that does not revolve around tv, tablets, video games, etc. but also does not revolve around our entertaining our children all day. Our kids are 7 and 3 so play time is incredibly important and doesn’t need to be too structured. They will play together sometimes, we notice that they are pretty happy to play together when not instructed to do so but even then, they find some really fun ways of entertaining each other. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, we seem to be exhausting our options at home, they’re bored of so much! Continuing our efforts to limit screens is taking more work. When they need a little guidance to occupy themselves, here are some of the things we direct them to:
Read. The 3 year old doesn’t read yet but she loves looking at books independently. She enjoys being read to so of course we will do that too but she is 3 so… she really likes to do it herself. The 7 year old is an incredible reader but not always a willing reader. He’s well above grade level and has been since kindergarten (but did not start truly reading until kindergarten!). We really try to build him up for this ability as a strength and encourage him to read as a way to stay good at it. If you have a reluctant reader, I really encourage you to keep reading a variety of books to your kids until you find one they are really into! Longer books are definitely okay, even if it’s above their level. We found a series called “Jedi Academy” about middle school star wars Jedis in training that are part chapter book, part graphic novel. This is a hit for our son and really pulled him into reading longer books himself. The first few took a week or two and the most recent one took him an hour and a half. They’re all the same length approximately and it has only been a few months since he read the first one but his attitude about reading has really shifted.
‘Go to the basement/your room/ back yard…’ Just changing the space your child is playing in can sometimes spark a new interest in an old toy, a new game, some other kind of activity that catches their attention. Our basement is semi-off limits to the 3 year old as she can sometimes get herself into trouble if unsupervised so it’s usually a thrilling thing to get to go down there. It’s finished and there are toys that she doesn’t get to play with as often so if she is really struggling to occupy herself this is a great option.
Get a little creative, literally! Play dough, paints, markers, coloring books, gel pens, glitter, paper, scissors, contact paper, glue, tape… these things are mostly “ask first” activities. Coloring and crayons are within reach and can happen anytime but otherwise they aren’t even in eye level for the kids. This is so that I can reserve them for the times that I need them to be quieter and/or sitting at a table. They’re great for rainy days but really anytime. If you’re like me and not great at guiding your kids artistic abilities- Pinterest is great inspiration. Don’t be intimidated, you don’t have to share your results- haha! Just try something new. Some of these activities are more independent than others so use activities as you need them but they are excellent for brain development.
Play music and move! As a music teacher, I am drawn to this as a common solution to downtime. We love using glow sticks and having dance parties. We enjoy listening to music we can sing along to. We like having music playing while we are doing other things. It’s part of our overall atmosphere at home. We use learning songs a lot for the kids but also scripture songs, disney, classical, oldies, a wide variety. Singing songs together is definitely fun for everyone and you do not need to be a great singer! If you want your kids to enjoy music and be able to sing- sing for them and listen to music! The exposure will help build their musical aptitude whether or not you’re exceptional at it. Moving to music also helps create connections between what they hear and the rhythm, it engages a part of their brain to express what they hear and feel in gestures. It’s just so good.
Take one for the team and play with them. Swing that light saber. Pretend to buckle your seat belt on the couch. Eat that pretend food. Throw that baseball. Some of these play times are far more enjoyable than others for all of us. I don’t love certain types play- I had no brothers and some of the boy mom things don’t come naturally to me. BUT, for their own good I want our kids to know that I think THEY are fun and that playing is important. So, before we turn on that Disney + show or the Wii, we play something.
Bring them along side your tasks if you can. Teach that toddler to fold wash cloths while you’re working on laundry. Engage their imaginative play to stir and cook while you’re working on prepping lunch or baking. Let them sweep while you work on another cleaning task. If they stick it out with you and learn some home keeping skills, that’s great. f they get distracted and go play on their own- so be it! Isn’t that kind of the point?
Now… I told you we’re not a screen free family. Here are some of the times we think it’s acceptable to use screens:
When dinner is being prepped. This time of day tends to be a little tense for everyone. Kids are hungry, mom is busy multi tasking, dad is trying to wrap up _____ or just get home from work! It’s definitely better in the long run if we come to the dinner table in a good frame of mind and have a little screen time than coming frustrated and irritated.
When having one on one time with the other sibling. Sometimes, kiddos need a little extra attention and it’s important for attachment (both our kids are adopted- read more in my other posts) to have time spent without siblings. If you’re working on teaching something that requires focus, allowing the other(s) to have a little screen time makes it feel a little more fair that you’re giving so much attention to one child.
When sleep is a struggle and you’ve exhausted your options. Honestly, I resisted this one… kids get cranky, why should we reward them for poor behavior with screen time? Because when they don’t sleep, WE don’t sleep and it is essential to their best care that we get a sanity break and they get a reset. If your kid refuses a nap and is losing it right after dinner ends, by all means, do what you have to! I’m really talking about a tv/netflix/hulu scenario for a short amount of time here.
For a special treat. I love Disney movies and my husband is a Star Wars and Pixar fan. We enjoy sharing some of these special movies with our kids and there is NOTHING wrong with that (as long as the movies are age appropriate and aren’t reinforcing a poor behavior). In our house, we love Frozen and as a family probably know all the words to the Frozen 2 soundtrack. #sorrynotsorry
Saturday Morning. We believe in Saturday morning cartoons. When my husband and I were young we were indulged in this good marathon watching each week while our parents got some rest or caught up on chores. Now, we have taken to letting our kids watch some of those throw back cartoons (thanks to the streaming services for putting them on there) and they’re watching some of the same things we did when we woke up at the crack of dawn on the weekends! It’s great, I drink my coffee while it’s hot, sometimes I make pancakes and we all start the day relaxed. I really recommend this one.
Movies and television began as entertainment for purely entertainment’s sake. I see that as part of their value. Now, we have so many educational programs as well as apps and games that are useful as well. I do believe the studies about screen time and addiction, brain development, social skills, as well as others. I write this as encouragement to those parents who are losing their steam keeping up the screen time battle but also to take a little pressure on those of you who feel guilt over screen time. Don't feel guilty, just use it well.
Blessings,
Kate
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