How much to share?
- Kate
- Jun 13, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 18, 2020
So, you've adopted or fostered, or gone through infertility. These are big life experiences. They're also not completely unique to you as well as not completely common. Infertility is hard and awful and generally unexpected. It's also deeply personal and even embarrassing as we look around and see it not talked about and uncommon. We might talk to our closest friends about it for comfort during trying times.
Unless they're single.
Or Pregnant. (I know there are plenty of mothers who have biological children who would gladly lend a sympathetic ear... but that's not the point here.)
Or, trying to avoid starting a family.
Who knows what the reasons may be but there are a lot of women/couples who feel very very alone on their road to parenthood. Generally, that's how it should be, I think! It's not really anyone else's business when you will be trying for kids or if you're planning on "having another". People are nosy and sometimes it's painful to answer honestly when the subject is brought up by other people. And, I mean it's super personal so I know that there's awkwardness there. But still, talking to an understanding ear helps.
Foster care and adoptions are very unpredictable. Between waiting and earnestly wanting to help children, provide for them, love them and being pulled around by agencies and organizations that seem to hold your life in their hands, it can feel very out of your control. Not a bad thing if you don't care about controlling things but let's be honest, de care. Especially if these things come after trying to conceive. Whether it's right or not, the sensation of being out of control is scary. This is where having someone who has been through it and can look back and testify that God's plan is sovereign and his purpose is good can be so helpful. It's also helpful to have someone just nod along and say, yes, it shouldn't be this way, I'm praying for you.
What do we do when we are going through something surprising or that we have not completely prepared for? Generally, we ask for help. Sometimes, we want to know it will all be all right so we seek out encouragement. Finding help, advice, and encouragement can be tricky for people experiencing the afore mentioned trifecta. How many people do you know well enough to ask about such things? To bare your heart on such personal things? Even in the case of adopted/ children- we hesitate to share their issues so that we might protect them from being viewed by the baggage they carry that is not their fault (This is another thing entirely- a different post for this one for sure). Something I've learned is that although I have been so often in the position of wanting advice and an empathetic ear, I have been more commonly sought out as a person to offer such things because I have been willing to share my story.
I never ever imagined that I would have something to offer other women. I always viewed my strengths and gifts in the realm of working with children. As a mom, I've felt so many pangs of guilt and seen my weaknesses that I've even felt like I had nothing to offer. Honestly, I know that I have nothing to give in and of myself but every good gift is from above (James 1:17).
"Because I have been willing to share my story."
The gospel speaks to this- I am weak, I have many flaws and faults that are only redeemed by the salvation work of Jesus' sacrifice. God can be glorified through these struggles (and yours!). My take on it is this; God brought you through your experiences for a reason, one we may not fully know in this life but we can rest in His goodness and providence. I think that besides the beautiful children who call me mom, a purpose in my life is to share my experience and bring God glory through it. I've experienced infertility, the challenges of foster care, foster care adoption, domestic infant adoption, and a few others in the mix. I never once imagined myself in any of these situations growing up- I only knew I wanted to be a teacher and a mom.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28.
I say all this to offer myself to you. I offer what I can, knowing I have nothing but what God has given me. I hope if you relate in some way to what I have already been through you will ask for the help you need, the insights, the encouragement, the advice. Don't get me wrong, I do NOT feel qualified but I do feel called.
Blessings,
Kate
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