So, in order to foster, you basically need a stable home, patience through the time required to get certified, and about a million forms filled out.
Once you've been certified, there's a few little maintenance things to do but you'd expect that you just take care of the kids, right?
Wrong.
What I had to learn to do once we were foster parents:
Make a LOT of phone calls.
Anyone who knows me personally knows I basically won't call you. Texting is an amazing enabler to my problem. I HATE calling people. Even when people call me, talking on the phone is not really my thing, with the one exception being my husband when we were dating. 8 years ago. Phone is not my thing.
So... from day one, you're calling case workers, doctor offices, counselors, schools or day cares, pharmacy... you get the picture.
I did it. I didn't even think twice about needing to do it but let me tell you, I did not know this was part of the gig! Even after having a kiddo for a while, the phone calls don't slow down much.
Speak in coded, cryptic language with your spouse and occasionally case workers
Seriously, this one probably is a skill all parents develop but since we were first time (foster) parents with our little buddy, we were learning a whole new side of each other. There's a whole lot that the little ones do NOT need to know, one way or another.
Interact with people about incredibly personal business... and not let them get into your business!
Okay, this one is a little tough. People are curious when a child comes into your home. They mostly don't have bad intentions but they are often way nosier than they realize.
It's important to protect your foster kids' stories! They should get to decide who knows what about them. Being labeled "foster kid" can carry a weight with it that shouldn't have to be compounded with people knowing intricate details about how your life started out.
People might not realize you're foster parents until kids come into your home. THEN, they have a lot to say about it. Don't you get paid? Have they tried to light your house on fire yet? Oy. Just try not to roll your eyes and you're off to a good start.
Be positive and encouraging when you really want to cry.
This might not be a big deal for some of you but for me, I had a hard time not dwelling on the sadness of things as we learned them. Not talking about it to shield the little ones who don't realize it's happening is hard. Especially when you're going from a two person family where you talk about anything you want all the time to having kids in your home and never knowing if they'll overhear you in your tiny house... just wait till well after bedtime and speak quietly with the fan on.
Seeing the child beyond the behavior
For us, we're trying really hard to influence Buddy's behavior with positive attention. Sometimes, that is HARD. Sometimes, he is TERRIFIED of nothing. Okay, a lady bug isn't nothing but basically it is. He gets upset by it and wham, you want to say "knock it off, it's only ____" but keeping in mind he's just reacting to something that probably triggers a memory or reaction he doesn't even understand is hard.
What's amazing is that it all gets done. We aren't perfect, we drop the ball MANY times. I'm battling some major mom guilt every day. But the fact is... knowing this is part of it doesn't change anything. If anything, it gives me confidence for the future! We've already dealt with all this!
