Responses to encourage others and bring light to the truth of what foster parents do.
To be honest, we kind of started for the wrong reasons. When faced with hard choices about how we would build a family, we realized we were equipped to love children regardless of biological relation. We thought we were doing some sort of service to kids to be foster parents until their parents struck out and we got to adopt them.
NEWSFLASH
We were wrong.
We learned much through training and talking with other foster parents but let me tell you, the best teacher was experience. Not to say we have a diverse, long list of fostering experiences, but first hand knowledge is the best knowledge.
Hopefully I can shed some light for people who may be curious about Foster Parenting or simply about us. These are just MY opinions on this so don't take my word as final. Contact me if you'd like information about being a foster parent in NYS. I might be able to help. At the very least, I know people I can ask!
So...
Being a foster parent is NOT being a replacement family for a kid.
It IS being a family... but not replacement.
It's NOT a way to adopt.
It CAN be a way to adopt but if that's your motivation, you're setting yourself up for extra heartbreak and doing a disservice to the kids in your care.
Foster kids are LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
Nope. It's sad that they need you. You have been blessed to bless a kid but it's not about you at all.
It's NOT all kids who've been beaten or starved or you name it (some are though).
It's ALL kids who have suffered. Even if it's just that they're not with their bio-parents, that's a pretty big loss, wouldn't you say?
It's not easy. We knew that in advance. It's sad. Knew that too. What we didn't realize were the details to WHY.
It's easy to love kids, even with their flaws. It's not always easy to realize you NEED to love their parents too. To root for their parents as long as is possible. Even if you are in a situation where you will potentially adopt the child, their bio-parents are always part of their story, if you want their story to be the best it can be, you have to want the best for those parents too.
It's sad. I'm not talking about kids leaving you. Sometimes, that can be happy if your heart is in the right place and there's confidence in the parents making it. What is sad is realizing how broken the world is. Kids often live in really rough situations for a LONG time before being removed. They almost always want to go back too. Loving them is good. Parenting them, connecting with them, helping them, all good. Seeing their broken hearts after a phone conversation or visit. That's sad.
The system is flawed and frustrating. Laws that sound good can be twisted or ignored. Children suffer at the sake of legalities and at their fate lies in the decision of a family court judge.
I hope you can see a common thread here that the kids are the ones suffering, they are the victims. When people tell me how they could never let them go back, it rings a bell with me. It does make me think that we are willing to have a little heartbreak in exchange for making a very difficult time in a kid's life a little brighter.
We definitely don't have all the answers.
We are still learning.
It's hard.
It's worth it.
1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us.
Matthew 19:14 but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."
