Where do you find encouragement when you're in the trenches of hard days and long nights with kids (no matter the age!)
Right now I have a 5 year old and an 8 month old. BUT, for those of you just finding me, we've only been parents for about 13 months.
Our Foster son (the 5 year old) who I refer to as Buddy is at a fun age but really difficult on occasion. We're also at a difficult point in his story. Things are a-changin' and whether we talk about it with him or not, he senses it. We've seen some weird and troubling behaviors pop up since the anniversary of his placement. Mommy issues have resurfaced in a new way and overall defiance/ whining/ manipulation has shown up.
Our little girl, V cut 4 teeth over 6 weeks. Talk about long nights! Mix in some stomach bugs and the inherit results on a baby and you get the picture.
How do YOU keep your chin up? Generally speaking, I didn't realize I was having a tough time until I took a look at how I was treating my husband and kids. To the world, I put on a brave face, everything was "fine" and at home I was snippy, short tempered, and unkind.
1. The first thing I did (after a long bout of grumpy denial) was get my faith habits back on track. Reading my Bible daily and praying regularly helped put a lot of things in perspective. Sometimes, reading my Bible is intimidating. Where do I start? How do I know what I need? etc. In January, I decided I'd go back to my standard new year protocol and read Proverbs. There are 31 days in January and 31 Proverbs. Perfect! This year I was getting so much out of it in such a different way! I've definitely started the year with Proverbs many times but this time I had so many new verses stand out in regard to self control (especially when it comes to my mouth) and parenting. It really gave me new inspiration and determination that we need to keep on going!
Proverbs 21:9- It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Ouch... yup. I think you can see how I was finding many meaningful verses for me right now. Praise God!
Proverbs 22:6- Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
What a powerful verse for foster parents! Do what you can in the time you're given to guide the children in your care.
Praying for your own ability to parents is good but also confessing the sins that crop up in your relationships is important. I'm likely to just pray with an empty one sided expectation of change like it's all on you, God if I am not real about the sin issues. Being angry that my husband is tired after work and sits down instead of reading my mind and pitching in with dinner prep... clearly wrong.
2. The next thing I did was to invest a little time once in a while to "self care". To a Christian, this sounds pretty selfish. I was pretty against this idea in the past. BUT...
Taking the time to shower and put on a little makeup does feel pretty good.
Granting myself a little grace that if the ironing is put off for 3 days doesn't make me a bad homemaker.
Light a really nice smelling candle and eat leftovers for dinner so that my kitchen stays a little cleaner after being up the night before with the baby.
Bring that crying baby to your bed when she's up at 5:30am. She probably will fall back asleep! You get snuggles and more rest. This is GOOD. She is not ruined for sleeping in her crib, sleep training hasn't been set off track, it's fine.
3. Listen to a Podcast or sermon while you're working around the house or in the car. There's encouragement for the taking (and free!). I was listening to God Centered Mom, Homemaking Foundations, and Titus 2 Minute. Recently I've been listening to a radio show turned podcast from an organization called Justice for Orphans, the podcast is called Orphans No More. Don't forget about SermonAudio too! You can even listen to the Bible out loud through YouVersion.
I hope those of you in the trenches of motherhood or really just life can find some encouragement from knowing you're not alone. The host of God Centered Mom says "Don't Mom Alone". I have found so much encouragement from talking to other women.
Do you have special strategies for the hard days? Let me know!
